Hi CB
The subject of enablement has a few grey areas so I am hoping you can tell me a little more about this gas situation.
Does he give you money when he is paid to cover his expenses or does he believe that what is his is his and when he no longer has any money you are the money tree he turns to cover the hole in his finances?
Does he he earn enough to pay for his gas to and from his place of work, his food, the roof over his head, etc. if he doesn’t gamble?
If he is gambling the money he requires to commute to work and then you pay for his gas then I would say that is enablement. If he is unable to meet his gas bill for one month because he has other household expenditure and you can see that he is genuinely getting in a fix then I believe that going with him to the gas station and actually paying for the gas without giving him any cash is not enablement.
I know that CGs survive well even when they say they are going to lose their jobs etc because they can’t get to work and it is all your fault regardless of the fact that they have actually gambled the money away. This is the difficult time and I fully appreciate how hard this is for you but figuring it out for himself is the best thing he can do.
I certainly couldn’t and wouldn’t judge you for ‘lending’ your husband 20 for gas following persistent badgering, one would have to be a saint to hold out against some of the emotional blackmail one can feel. Maybe you could ask him for the receipt for the gas so that you didn’t have the worry that money is being wasted when you can’t afford it. A CG going into rehab has to produce receipts as part of learning to handle money and to show willingness to wanting to control their addiction.
Hope all this makes sense
Speak soon
Velvet
