Hi Carmen,
I am so glad you have had a reply from Logic, I was thinking earlier about how you were in similar positions as regards having a long term partner who you obvious love and care for a great deal although you don’t live together and the gambling being a relatively newly discovered thing but of course as you say everyones story is different and everyone’s approach and journey is different.
In no way did your post come across as critical of your partner or as if your partner was exploiting or using you or that he was in anyway a ‘bad’ person. Most CG’s i have come across my own partner included are very caring and often very sensitive and empathetic people, the addiction simply start to cloak these qualities and lead them down paths that they otherwise would not follow, such lying to a much loved spouse.
Vera has likely met far more compulsive gamblers than me and is in recovery herself so she has seen where it can lead, she also knows where it has lead her that does not mean she is a bad person or indeed any other compulsive gambler is, it is just an addiction that feeds on money and therefore the likelihood of issues in that area are great, therefore the measures needed to get more ‘fuel’ are often also great, and usually involve some form of lying and or manipulation. Vera is just wishing to warn you of these dangers.
As friends and family we will never tell you to end a relationship or indeed to stay in one, we know it is at the end of the day your relationship. My partner is the love of my life, my soulmate, him being a CG could never change that. We have both been together and apart and just good friends at different times. Through everything I have always remained true to myself and my feelings. I have taken advice from this forum and I have ignored advice from this forum sometimes I have regretted not taking it, some times not.
I see my relationship as a three way, me, him and the addiction. At times when the addiction is strong there has been no room for me, as his recovery progresses there is plenty of room for me and in turn less room for the addiction. I love my partner, I hate the addiction, my partner is a good man, the addiction is an evil thing which has controlled him at times.
I am sorry you felt comments were derogatory to your partner and your strength of feeling shows that here is a man worth loving and a relationship worth working at for you. I really hope that the couples counseling does work for you and is the start of your both moving away from the gambling which is blighting your lives.
I hope I haven’t offended you in anyway and if I ever do or you disagree you will tell me (I am sure you will) Lily x