Hi BL
Quite rightly your husband appears to be putting his recovery first. Recoveries for both sides of a relationship are important and neither side should force the other into speeding an outcome.
Your recovery is equally as important and I liked the big BUT in your sentence – you have recognised that what happens within you matters too.
It is often said by CGs and F&F alike that we cannot/don’t understand each other – only a CG can understand a CG and only F&F can understand F&F. To a certain extent this is right but who understands what and who has the hardest work to do is immaterial – what counts is the individual and how comfortable they are with what is going on. It isn’t selfish to put yourself first with yourself just as your husband is doing with himself.
It is as though you are walking on 2 parallel roads, you can see each other but you cannot connect fully. The roads are beginning to get closer and you are beginning to see each other more clearly but in my opinion this is the most important time to keep walking forward and not cut across to his road. This forum is walking with you and his counsellor is walking with him and for a time, maybe longer than either of you would wish, I believe, this is the best way to achieve what you both want.
To hear you enjoying your life is wonderful so keep doing what you are doing because it is working for you and if it works for you then it is good for your husband to see.
Keep posting
Velvet
