Hi Bill
I’m glad you have found this forum – I hope that you can get some understanding and peace of mind.
Your mother isn’t stupid even though her actions would lead you to believe that she is. She has an addiction to gamble which she neither asked for, not wanted – anymore than you want it in your life. At some point she will have done the lottery, backed a horse for fun, put money into a gaming machine, played poker, the same as so many, many people do every day with no ill effect. However for your mother this has not been the case – she could not have known that addiction was waiting for her and by the time she became aware she would have been confused and frightened and unable to talk about it. Unfortunately, as you have found this addiction causes untold misery to those who live with it but with understanding and knowledge of her addiction I hope you will cope better and make informed decisions that are right for you, your brother, your father and ultimately for your mother.
Don’t be mad at yourself for not noticing her excuses and lies, you were not meant to notice them – her addiction is secretive and divisive which is why it is better to get your concerns into the open, which is what you are doing now.
What is your relationship like with your father? Is he aware of his wife’s addiction and the losses from his accounts? Can you talk to him about your concerns and will you be able to tell him what you learn here?
Giving money to a compulsive gambler (CG) is the same as giving a drink to an alcoholic. Money is not your mother’s problem, it is the addiction that is twisting her mind and causing the unacceptable behaviour and for that she requires treatment. Money is only a tool to her, a means to gamble more and that means she will not walk away until she has lost everything – in fact she will feel she cannot walk away.
I won’t answer all your questions in this first post as understanding this addiction takes time and making the right decisions takes time too. I hope you will stick with us until you are happy that you know what to do for the best for all of you.
You have done well writing your first post Bill. Everything you have written is understood.
Speak soon
Velvet
