Hi AnonG
Having witnessed firsthand your brother’s serious gambling problem it is easy to see why you are so worried about it cropping up again in your life.
I don’t think you are unreasonable to be concerned but without further information I can’t determine what I feel your possible line of action should be. If your boyfriend does want to dabble with gambling and is able to walk away from doing so regardless of loss or gain then maybe it would be unfair to say ‘no more or else’. Being told he cannot do something that he find pleasurable and is not hurting him will almost certainly result in him doing it behind your back which is what has possibly happened. Talk to him as calmly as possible; maybe tell him you have sought support for yourself because you want to do that which is right for both of you – including allowing him to gamble if he is not in danger of over-stepping the boundary between responsible gambling and addiction. Communication is the most important thing.
I am interested why he went to GA – did he go to please you or because he was concerned about the possibility his gambling could become uncontrollable?
Having been to GA he will almost certainly have heard/seen the Gamblers Anonymous 20 questions – I suggest you download them from the GA web site and if you still feel he would answer ‘yes’ to at least 7 of the question maybe you could discuss those points with him. If he feels he has a problem it is important that he can trust you with the information without you losing your cool – he will need support, not condemnation.
I hope you will write again and tell me more about your boyfriend and in particular his behaviour before and after he has gambled.
Well done starting your thread – if compulsive gamblers were supported in the right way at the beginning perhaps there would be less misery and destruction from the addiction.
Velvet
