Hi Anna,
Glad you are here for support as my father is a cg too. Much of what you have shared, mirrored much of what I went through with my father, the damages his gambling did to our family.
I tried to understand the addiction to gamble, trying desperately to help him and get a handle why he was gambling, and seeking what I could do to stop it. However, regardless of my best efforts, he continued to gamble. He continued to take money that was for the family and with each passing year, my mother and I suffered. He had his good side, which I would remind myself whenever he gambled again.
However, years passed and his addiction kept on gaining strength and on the flip side my mother and I kept losing ours.
My parents divorced when I was 18, my mother couldn’t take it anymore. I was devastated but it was for the best.
Years again kept passing and he kept gambling. I was his lifeline for help. I kept his gambling a secret from many especially my mother, helping him when he had nothing. Only to see him gamble again and guess what? I became depressed because it seemed every second I was awaiting a call from him needing money or a buddy of his would needed to be paid back. My life started to suffer and through many confrontations with him and his I don’t have a care in the world attitude about his gambling. I finally cut him out. It was the hardest thing I ever did, but for about two years I did not see or speak with him. I did everything to free myself from the addiction. Once I stopped the enablement he had to face the consequences of his gambling. He had to face not having a place to live. He had to face the pennies in his pocket. He had to face that his gambling was sucking everything good in his life. He had to face his actions. He had to face not having his daughter or grandchildren in his life. He had to face the hard facts.
I don’t believe in enabling an addict. However, I do believe you can love them. There is a big difference between enabling and loving an addict. Giving in to any demands of an addict is the addictions greatest reward. It never helps.
I wish you well.
Twilight