Hi all,
Coming up to 11 weeks on Tuesday.
I’ve had a great weekend, we’ve had some Americans over, who are friends of my dads, and we’ve all had a good laugh. Life every day is a struggle for different reasons. The gambling no longer affects me (and hasn’t done for a long time). The only time I think about gambling is when I say to myself “Oh damn, almost 11 weeks! I never think about actually gambling, and that side of things has been easy. The hard bit has been all the underlying feelings coming to light. I’m emotionally weak and I flip in a matter of seconds over very little. I’m so happy that I haven’t relapsed and that I haven’t even wanted to gambling, or been close to.
I haven’t been motivated to write on here at all lately. Not sure why, I just haven’t. My mind has been in other places and I’ve been quite busy.
I met this girl last weekend, a girl I’ve known for about 7 years. We’ve hit it off so well, and I met up with her last night and we were with each other for 4 hours in a bar, and then 3 hours in my car (getting up to no good!). I had a brilliant time, one of the best days I can remember in a long time. I haven’t wanted a girlfriend in over a year (I was with a girl about 10 months ago but I was only with her because she wanted to be with me, it was strange but I never felt anything for her). This is the first time that I’ve actually met a girl I can see myself with since my other girlfriends who I broke up with about 18months ago (more or less). It was hard for me to get over her and I probably still haven’t fully gotten over her, but this girl I’ve been getting to know I want to get to know even more and more. She’s great, she understand me, she gets me, I get her, she makes me laugh, she makes me smile, she makes me feel good about myself, she makes me forget about my fu**ed up life, she makes me want to keep moving forward, one step at a time. She knows I’m going back to England to GM in 2 weeks time, she knows why, and she has been very supportive and very helpful. She hasn’t judged me at all and I respect her so much for that. She’s just told me that if things carry on going the way they are now, that she won’t have any reason to meet anyone whilst I’m back. I can’t be selfish and ask her to wait for me, but if we’re both happy with things are going, it can wait, right? Is this a bad move? I know it’s been quick, and it’s sudden, but I’ve always been like that with relationships. I know straight away if I like someone, I look for certain aspects and if they tick the boxes and the first date is 10/10, then I know I could be with her. Is this a bad idea though? It’s confusing me a lot, I don’t want to screw up GM or my chances with her, I’ve fancied her since I met her, and whenever I’ve seen her since then (which hasn’t been that many times), she’s always made my heart go 1000 to the dozen.
I don’t want to lose yet ANOTHER thing in life. If I weren’t to go back to GM I could see myself with this girl in a few months time. We’re both quite crazy about each other, but GM is in the middle. I am 100% going, but I don’t want to come back and the first thing I find out is she’s with someone else or that she doesn’t want anything to do with me (for whatever reason).
Anyway, this is what’s been on my mind. My relationship with my parents is kinda “back on track”, but I am looking forward to getting some space and going to GM. I think it will do us all some good.
Stay safe guys, stay gamble free as always.
MrExon