Hi again,
Something I am struggling with at the moment is that I am telling my husband that I am staying in Mexico for now to see how he goes and that I want to see him make concrete changes to combat the gambling. But really, neither of us know what those could be other than him using willpower, which I have read over and over that no one has experienced someone overcome the addiction by willpower alone with no support. So I am asking him something without really knowing what it is I am asking of him and yet it is a condition I am making to him! From here I can´t really know if he is gambling or not, only if he gets in touch and says he is in debt again because he has gambled. However, at the moment he has no money at all and nothing to pawn for the night as security, but I am worried as I think he will have $30 or $40 in the coming days. Willpower has not worked for him in the past, although I think he has only been serious in the past 6 weeks or so. Just after I left for Mexico, a month ago, after he had not gambled for nearly 2 weeks, he went and gambled for 3 nights in a row (so he said it was) went through every penny that was left for him (including as security at his mother´s and he travelled there to get her to give it to him), sold the last things I had left there and overshot by $300 still. So there is the triangle thing, money-location- time. He has plenty of time, no option for work right now and very few options for pastimes. He has tried to change his address with the court to stay at his mother´s (where there is gambling but less money and less easily accessible) and the process is just too complicated involving the supreme judge and a long wait time. And he won´t always be going around with absolutely zero money, although often is at the moment when I am not there, and generally doesn´t have a cent in his pockets – which in some ways makes him more desperate to look for a win (in his mind).
So, I am stuck as to what to say to him. I keep saying I want to see concrete actions and not just words, but the only concrete actions I can see he has as options are just abstaining from gambling.
Do you have any ideas at all? It feels very challenging.