Hi R2C
As your name suggests you are ready to change and this might take some time, progress not perfection they say and i am one shining example of that here. Please never feel bad saying you have slipped up. If you know my history i slipped for four years coming back saying I’ve done it again it was total madness and for the life of me i couldn’t stop it. It just got to a point for me that the relapse was longer and longer and harder and harder to overcome to the point the pain was so intense i had no alternative but to get into recovery if i wanted to survive. Keep going R2C, never give up on giving up. One day at a time, just get through today not gambling, when your money comes in pay it straight on your bills or make it hard for yourself to access.. if you get the money out of the way its half the battle. Its good you keep coming here. The addiction wants you to stay away. The addiction just wants a feed and its hungry and if you starve that addiction it will eventually quieten down its just getting support while its so ravenous. Keep coming here, keep trying, for as long as it takes. If you go out there and stay away you are playing right into the addictions hands, just keep coming back here, reach out and grab onto whatever support you can get, counselling, GA, post, read.. i totally understand what you are going through i was the queen of relapsing here, but i hope no more. Our whole lives go down the drain the obsession takes over and its all we can think of.. as soon as you get that desire to gamble, try to change that thought to something else, anything, start doing other things, call someone, go to a meeting, get online, eat, read, cook , work, watch a movie, anything.. because those urges do eventually pass.. they do, just gotta wait them out and they will fade. Keep going, you are doing great by acknowledging here you gambled and you are trying to move on from it. You are not alone you know that right..
P