I have notice there is one very important part to highlight here. You have some one beside yourself to fight for. I assume if it was not for your partner, you would have been in that vicious circle and playing and betting your money away. We all need to be awaken by some thing, I think for you it was your partner and that she is playing very important part in your life.
We are, when in action in a numb state of mind that we do not really realize who or what we care about, why we are running so fast for, what is money for in our life, or in my case, what we are living for.
You also mentioned that you do not really have control any more on how long you play and lose all your money, it is not even important what game you play, as long as you can bet and wait for the result.
We all in here have been trough all or some of your experiences, and more or less feel what you feel, we did lie to our closed one, may be not to get money from them but to make sure we do not hurt them knowing we are still playing.
I just want to tell you that these feelings are so normal for you to feel. What we all agree in here is that we can not stop alone. And that we need help. We need to follow some steps that people who have been successful have taken to overcome the addiction.
And that is what it is special about this site and organisation. Come here more often, write about your true feelings, anger, happy time, and I promise you, that you will be in a better world. Think of your life as one day at a time. Is it difficult to not gamble for a day? every day we only have 1 day to think about. That is the way a lot of us have succeeded in keeping our recovery going.
All the best.
Sam.
