Hi 3 Timer
Do not regret putting your wedding on hold; a bride at 38 who loves the man she is to marry and trusts him is so much better than a bride at 35 with an insurmountable pile of regrets by the time she is 38.
How did you get on with the 20 questions? They are an excellent guide for you and for your partner.
Your nephew has given you grounds for doubt about the extent of your partner’s gambling and you have, in my opinion, reacted sensibly to that doubt – especially as your partner tried to chase his losses by gambling which is one of the signs of addiction. Of course it might be possible that you have over-reacted because of your previous experiences but lack of trust, for whatever reason, in my view, is not a good basis for making a life-long commitment.
I obviously cannot answer why your nephew would say what he did if it wasn’t true – does he have a problem with drink and drugs as your partner has suggested?
Were your talks heated or calm? Did your partner take any of the blame for your concerns or was the blame all placed on you? If he is an active CG it will probably be harder to determine whether he is actually gambling now because he will probably be more careful to hide his activity from you but if he is active his behaviour should speak volumes. I explained the ups and downs of the addiction to gamble in ‘the F&F Cycle’ thread which, at the moment is 3 threads below yours – maybe it will help.
Even though you are confused and probably a bit frightened, at the moment, it is better to be sure and hopefully you will get the reassurance you deserve. You feel crushed that you have had your wedding postponed but you are still together and your son has his dad so use your time carefully to build up your strength and keep communications open.
Keep posting 3-Timer – from all you have said there is a ‘possibility’ that your partner has crossed the line into addiction but equally there is a possibility that he has shocked himself with his poor behaviour and has stopped at the threshold –either way he would do well to go to GA or communicate with our Helpline, for the sake of himself as well as you and his son.
I wish you well
Velvet
