Hi 3 Timer
This site is not qualified to discuss your partner’s apparent control issues but the couples counselling seems an excellent and positive way for you both to deal with this problem.
Nomore is right that an active CG will do almost anything to feed his/her addiction but you have now posed the question ‘how do I find out if he really is a cg?’. I suggest that you look on the Gambers Anonymous web site and download the 20-questions – perhaps read them through first and see how you would rate your partner and then show him and see how he would rate himself. The addiction to gamble hardens over time but it is possible to have a problem with gambling that does not become a full-blown addiction; treatment will still be required if such a problem exists and the earlier the better. I believe the 20 questions will help you and your partner to know where he is on the addiction scale. The easy money fix is being bandied about every day in the media and many people will have tried to ‘win’ money to cover bills – the danger for the potential CG is that having experienced the gamble they cannot stop.
In my opinion, if your partner is a CG then his promises, without treatment, are not worth anything. If he has a problem that has not developed into an addiction then with treatment he will be able to learn to control his desire to gamble.
It isn’t wrong for you to ‘want him to do it on his own and then show me how he has changed’. Knowing that you are supporting him will help him but support doesn’t mean going back with the situation unresolved – he is saying the right things but now he has to act if you are to have any hope of trusting him. I believe the distance between you may keep him aware that he has to do something positive while at the same time allowing you worry-free time in which to gain strength and recover yourself.
I will wait to hear from you again before writing further but keep posting and posing your questions and feelings – hopefully you will soon begin to see your way clear to what is right for you.
Velvet
