Hi jenny
I too am the ex partner of a CG. I have read your posts and wanted to say I can relate to everything you say. You write so well and clearly and I too have felt such anger rage confusion desolation over the injustice of a gambling addiction. It’s absolutely exhausting!.
The thing with a tough day is that it does come to an end. Days will come and go but as you have already been so strong and left the addiction days will become less dramatic with time. I too used to hide my purse in my house. If my ex visits our daughter in my house I always hide my bag. He is still gambling but behaving better.
This site is so good because f&f completely understand. I have not told anyone else I hide my purse. I have not told anyone else that I spent time questioning my ex in case he left our 4 year old outside the bookies on her own. ! I found that on this site i was free to be honest about these things. The awful realities of addiction. As you say others would be shocked.!!
As for rage I still could not write down the things I planned to do to my ex to make him suffer given the opportunity. I could not write them down because they are too awful to express. I don’t think these (in the main!) now but I realise but it has taken months to get there. This is nothing to do with my ex but I eventually stopped wanting to be dragged down by the addiction. I no longer wanted to cope. I wanted to live.
You have had a very tough time. You are a good person who is trying to care for your children. My ex lives with his mother who supports and enables him all the time. My ex and his mom will continue to live with the same dramas and be stuck. Just as your ex and his parents will face one drama after another whilst he gamblers. Breathe a sigh of relief that you and your children are out of it.
I am thinking of you and your family. Your 7 year old will be looking to you and she will see a woman with great strength of character. How lucky she is.
All the best
M