Its not easy to stay strong after going through all you have been through, possibly at a time where you have already been worn down over many months by trying to support and love a person with an addiction and one who appears not to want to change.
I think taking care of yourself and not expecting too much of yourself could be helpful right now until you begin to recover from what must have been quite a traumatic experience. Although they might seem like very little statements to make they are quite loaded in content and much easier said than done.
What I mean by looking after you is not allowing the addiction to gamble to dictate what happens next and also your future, it means concentrating on you and what you can control and not on that which you can’t. Distancing yourself from gambling and the effects of, can mean a whole host of changes for you such as beginning to do things again which you may have put on one side such as seeing friends etc. I was surprised just how much of my head and time had been taken up with issues around gambling, worrying, second guessing etc etc and the private detective skills that would have put Sherlock Holmes to shame, all take up so much time and energy that other more productive things go to the wayside and then there is suddenly a great big empty void where they once were – that needs to be filled.
No one should live in fear of such physical outbursts and how they might escalate in the future, you tried to help but unfortunately he is not ready to accept that help and appears not to be showing any signs of doing so. Having an addiction is no excuse for that sort of threatening behaviour , its totally out of order and unacceptable and not, in my opinion, just a symptom of this addiction
If it is truly over then slam the door in the face of the addiction and nail it up, even the smallest chink of light / hope shown to the addiction provide it with opportunities to seek enablement, manipulate and basically talk its nonsense until you believe once again that change is on the horizon.
Looking after you, calls for you to look at your boundaries and how you are going to accept being treated especially if you decide to give it another go.
Its difficult and its painful if a break up occurs but in these situations it can be more difficult and painful to carry on without light at the end of the tunnel, at least that was my own experience.
People can and do change – if they want to badly enough there is proof of this all over this site.
Take your time, put yourself first and above all keep yourself safe – and keep posting
Jenny