Hey Smee
I had to write. I think it’s great you are back, but it’s a shame you went away and did even more damage. I know that pain. Today is day 102 for me since my last bet but as the GA Handbook says I am only 1 bet away from utter destruction. Today I took more steps to protect myself by removing more opportunities to gamble. I did it with my mother next to me who has the password to netnanny on my computer. We had to unprotect the computer so I could access iTunes and delete all my old gambling apps as I bought an old iPod touch. This machine cannot download modern software BUT I had old gambling apps on the cloud. They COULD be dowbnloaded and for 2 weeks I have resitsted but I simply do not trust myself. Netnanny also blocks iTunes from accessing the iTunes store. So together my mum and i unlocked the computer, accessed the cloud on iTunes, deleted ALL gambling apps, and then protected the computer again. I do not know the password. I know this means I have to treat myself as a child, but jesus I sure acted like one.l I would rather not go into the ways I acted with my wife suffice to say I did not act like a man in middle age.
PROTECT YOURSELF. GET SOMEONE HELP WITH YOU FINANCES. MAKE YOURSELF ACCOUNTABLE.
If I gamble my parents will ask me to leave, my friends will not speak with me and all I will have is GA. I am at the last chance saloon and I AM NOT GOING TO **** THIS ONE UP.
I hope you do not. I am 42, old enough to start again people say. You are only 24. What I would give to be 24 again… wait, I was a heroin addict, so maybe not.
But I am now in NA as well as I have been having thoughts of taking drugs. I am an addict, whether gambling, drink, drugs. It doesn’t matter. I use substances to escape the fact I don’t seem to like myself, but I need to find out why.
Go to the GA Website and find a chapter near you. It will help. Speak with the National Problem Gambling Clinic. Speak with Gordon House if you need it. Protect yourself and start building to a good future. If you save all that money by 24 imagine what you will have by 40 if you never gamble again. If you gamble you will have less than nothing, you may be dead. This addiction kills. More gamblers committ suicide than any other addiction. That ios a horrific statistiuc.
Stay on the site, confide in us, pour your thoughts onto the web. It helped me a few months ago when I was at rock bottom. I am no longer at rock bottom, but I am only a short way from it. One slip and I will fall lower than before. I know it. I remind myself what will happen. I used to think I will stop for a bit then gamble safely. That is nonsense and the addiction talking. I can NEVER gamble again. I understand now that I am a CG. This means i=that even if I win, I lose. And if I lose I lose. I always lose. What’s the point of doing something you can never win at and which might kill you? **** that.
Good luck fella, my heart goes out to you. I hope you can find the courage to talk to your mum – I am sure she will support you. She’s your mum. Mum’s are amazing and forgiving. But I am so aware now of not taking the piss.
See you around.