Hey Kstep,
Welcome, and congratulations on starting up your own post. It’s a big step. I’ve also been commenting for a while, which is great, but it’s always good to tell your own story on your own thread.
I’m glad you feel like you have a sense of direction. I remember that when I used to gamble, I used to feel lost, without any motivation at all. I’m sure you can relate. Giving over your finances is the best thing you will ever do for yourself. I got paid yesterday, and had my parents not been in charge of my finances, I would’ve probably gambled it all – even though I’ve been gamble free for 8 weeks. It’s incredible how well you can be doing, but the second you have money in your hand, the devil on your shoulder is very convincing. Having none, or very little money is the best way forward.
How long have you been gamble free? Are you managing to cope? I think you need to forget about figures, and remember that even had you not added teams to enhance the odds, you would still have LOST. This is because you, like myself and many others, are a gambling addict, and winning is never enough. We could’ve all hit the jackpot day after day, I did time and time again, but winning isn’t what we look for. We are gambling addicts, compulsive gamblers, it’s all we know. We convince ourselves we can win, and that we’re going to win, but even if we do, we still lose it. We can’t pace ourselves, we can’t limit ourselves, we have no self control. You need to accept that, or else you will convince yourself to gamble again. I also used to say “yeah, plan your bets, only bet on what you know, you can win that way”, and look where I am. It doesn’t matter whether you can or can’t win – we didn’t win. That’s the point. We didn’t, we couldn’t and we never will. Accept it, or it will kill you, slowly. I know it’s hard to forget about the figures, and “what if I had done this”, or “I should’ve stuck to the plan”. We’ve all done it, we’ve all said it. But we were never looking to win money, we gambled to escape our issues. It’s simple. It’s all we know, it’s all we have known, and if we aren’t careful, it’s all we will know.
I also used to enjoy gambling because it was fun looking at the statistics, the porcentages, the value bets. I remember it all, and I used to enjoy it. I still would today, but I have no self control, therefore I can’t enjoy it. I’ve accepted that, and it’s something I will have to live with forever. I can’t just gamble a bit, it’s all or nothing, and I’ve tried “all” and it fucked my life up good. I’m now gonna try the “nothing”, and life will be much better.
It’s great you’re keeping busy – it will help. You will have good and bad days, but keeping yourself busy will prevent you thinking about gambling, and that’s the most important thing.
Do you have your date for GM yet? If not, I hope you get yours soon. I got mine yesterday fortunately, after an 8 week wait.
Take it easy, stay safe, and stay gamble free.
MrExon