Hey geordie, thank you for your words and input. And no worries, I don’t think you’re having a go at me, and even if you did I’m a big boy I can take a punch or two. Anyway, I’m sure your intentions are nothing but positive.
And you’re right, I haven’t lost the maximum I could. Not for the last 20 years anyway. I haven’t been forced to start selling my stuff to feed my gambling addiction, I never stole anything, I still have my family, my bills are paid on time and often in advance (this month is actually first time in 20 years that I actually had to borrow some money to pay my bills), but everything else, everything above and beyond (or most of it) I did manage to gamble away.
I know that a lot of people had gambling take away from them a lot more. And I know it could have or almost certainly would have happened to me as well, 20 years ago, but I got lucky. 20 years ago I was a young kid spending my entire days in Casino in Amsterdam. I had emigrated there 5 years before, I waited tables every day and then gambled my daily pay in the evening. Day in day out. I rented a room, but when I no longer was able to pay for it I moved to a squat. Eventually I got fired from the restaurant where I worked and there were months when I had nothing to eat. At one point I weighed 62kg and I’m over 190cm tall. I was really in a bad shape. People looked down on me everywhere I went, except, well I’m sure you guessed it, in the casino. Everyone I knew there was nice to me.
Then one day a guy I knew from the casino offered me a job and I started making a lot of money. It was like 20 times more than what I was surviving on up to that point. It was so much money for me back then that the limits that I had been playing were no longer interesting. I mean even if I was extremely, extremely lucky, I would win less than what I was making in one week, so there was no point for me to gamble on roulette, black jack etc. Luckily I didn’t start playing higher limits, I quit casino games altogether and concentrated on poker instead.
But before that I was heading to a complete disaster. I was late on my rent, I was about to get evicted, I owed friends money, I had nothing to eat. Once, after a nice win I bought a new computer only to sell it for 40 cents on the dollar 2 weeks later… It was horrible.
Ever since I pay my bills in advance and I have stashes in different places that I don’t have easy access to (sadly I depleted them all last couple of months).
The only reason my bills were not paid in advance now is that it was the end of the year and the landlady does not want me to pay in advance for the following year as it messes up her accounting. And then, surprise, surprise I lost that money and some more towards the end of last year.
Anyway poker was good to me for over a decade. I was able to win in spite of tilting and steaming, in spite of playing badly quite often. The other players were even worse. But then it changed around 2007-2008 and I started losing bitterly at poker.
So, yes, maybe you can say I haven’t reached the rock bottom, but I know it could happen and I’m well aware a couple of bad turns and I could end up homeless. I always knew that. Even when I was making tons of money I was fully aware how quickly could everything change.
To answer your question, I did block all my accounts, but almost everyone I know is a gambler. Some are really solid guys, some others are desperate losers who live by “misery loves company” and I could borrow one of their accounts and play on it any time I like. Also, even if I don’t have access to my own funds, I can ask one of the many gamblers I know for a loan. If you really want to, there’re always ways to gamble.
My ultimate goal is to get to the point where I don’t gamble because I don’t have a desire to. Just like I don’t drink alcohol. I know it’s different because I’ve never been alcoholic, I never even drank alcohol and I AM a CG. But I dream of getting to the point where I will have no desire whatsoever.
And I know if I rely on my will power not to gamble or do it “just this one day” at a time, I will soon lose that battle. I know I have to trick/reprogram or whatever you want to call it my brain differently.
So, getting ongoing support and living each day as it comes works out for thousands…
I have no reason to doubt that this is so, but it still proves very little. We don’t know how many people have tried it and failed. If it works for thousands but tens of thousands fail at it, then it’s obviously not for everyone.
What will work for us depends on myriad factors. How addicted we are, how long we have been addicted, our personal circumstances, our personality, our education, intellect, background, our habbits, discipline etc. etc. etc.
They build billion dollar casinos with money from people who swore up and down they will never gamble again. I must have sworn a hundred times I will not gamble again. It never worked. A few times I solemnly promised myself I will never gamble again only to gamble 10 minutes later when a friend came online and I was able to get money from him. Some of my solemn and most sincere promises only lasted 10 minutes. How sick is that?
Day #21 today. Feeling a lot more confident than yesterday