Hey Adam
Great, honest post. I felt the same as you until I finished The Easy Way. The book is great as it is very repetitive as it bangs home its message. I now question why I ever gambled. For years I got nothing from it. I know if I gamble again I will get sucked right in. I want a life without gambling, most be don’t gamble. What has it ever given me? Nothing, not even any great wins. I have a few big win, most I never cashed out. I do understand that you can have big wins, but if you keep gambling what;’s the point? I still do fantasise about the big win and keeping it. I remember Charlster wrote how he was 12K up at one point but then just upped the stakes. Lost the lot. You too wrote how you got your money back to 20K, then smashed the lot in 2 or so weeks. What’s the point. If you could be guaranteed to win and then walk away, great. But if we are a CG we can’t. If all you do with a win is put it back, what’s the point?
I was very lucky again over the weekend, at one point I was massively down. I ended up up, but my GA sponsor said I didn’t win – merely finished with more than I started. But if I gamble again that would go. I checked my bank yesterday – the deposited had gone but not the withdrawel.
If you think about what gambling ever gave you, apart from a short rush of “did I win” or “did I lose” nothing. And if you are using such huge amounts of money, the stress will kill you. It would me.
We are all here with you, don’t be fooled by the ‘glamour’ that people sometimes write. I think that’s what made me relapse too. I wanted that win and walk away. But next time I play, if I play with the same intensity, I could lose everything. I can’t play at those stakes any more.
19 days is amazing, I haven’t done 19 self imposted days for years.
Keep posting, stay strong and get the Allen Carr book. It was much better than I thought. You have been an inspiration to me as you have got your head around your compulsion.
Thanks for being here.