I am so thankful for all the comments. I have struggled at times but also know I am getting stronger.It has been another rough ride with soooo much going on that I don;t know where to start.
First of all my fridge broke before xmas, followed by my hoover on boxing day and then my laptop – which is why I have not posted.Got it back today. Definitely jinxy jen.
I got through xmas day, unfortunately I was unwell with a 24 hour virus but my 15 year old son made me proud by making the full xmas dinner with all the trimmings, he is such a star, but I made all the effort I could,played 9 games (exhausting but fun) and shed no tears – until I was in my bed alone, where I cried myself to sleep. But so glad I did it and my ex husband did not contact me at all.
All quiet – no. text messages on hogmanay saying sorry for the awful year but heres hoping next year is better but its been bad for me. Still talking about himself. And I found hogmanay and new year more difficult than xmas but with all my supports, I survived. My ex though called me and asked me to take him back. He brought up good memories of the past,he was playing ‘our’songs to me and he was promising me the world. It was sooo emotional and difficult for me but I did not give in, I told him to get more help and when he was in recovery, then he could have contact again with his daughter (as I stopped this due to my little one.age 7, saying she did not want to meet her daddy again as she didnt feel comfortable) and also because whilst he is still gambling, and drinking, then there is no way my kids will be subjected to that.
My ex then told me he had attempted suicide just before xmas, swallowed 40 tablets and then lied about needing sectioned (which did not happen)He also told me he had been harbouring a criminal in his house, some guy that he met at an addictions meeting, knew little about but needed a bed . My ex let him stay and told me he had a warrant out for his arrest and the police were looking for him. so my husband helped him,and it was the guy who found him after he swallowed the tablets. I was shocked he would help hide a guy from the police and wondered what was in it for him. I found out the guy was giving my ex alcohol. He is not the man I married.
So even though he has told me he has attempted suicide, I still say No to him meeting his daughter and No to us getting back together.
So I have had nice, playing songs, telling me sorry, promises – when’s the nasty coming.
It doesn’t take long. I ask him on a wednesday about his motivation to change, the opportunities he has had to stop and all the life lines thrown to him, yet his reluctance or not being ready to take what supports are being offered. Instead he talks about our marriage, how I let him down, how I never took him back, how his kids have acted towards him – what? he blocked my daughter from contacting her because she challenged him about his lies, my son was at a&e because he got so angry and punched a wall and my 7 year old was tearful and clingy as she is just a kid so yes, it was us, turning against him. Oh dear he really is delusional.
I tell him I am not listening to him whilst he is in victim mode. proof he is not in recovery, i hang up the phone. 2 days later (a friday is becoming a prominent day now) he contacts me by text, whilst I am work and his texts are awful. Nasty, hurtful, slating what kind of wife I have been and I find myself at my desk in floods of tears. Im at work and crying. I dont respond. he texts more. I dont respond then I get a threat from him saying “tell our daughter that if she ever wants to know where her daddy is, then just look to the sky as he will be a star up in heaven”. I am now a wreck.Is he going to attempt suicide,is this manipulation again, why is he doing this – oh because I said no to him, what if he does hurt himself, I am at my work,Im an emotional mess.But I am not responding as that is what he wants so I get support from my colleagues, then manager, and I call the police. If he is suicidal then the police can respond and if hes not, then he will think twice about texting me threats of committing suicide as I wont respond, the police will. No more of this behaviour.
I have to go home from work as I am too upset and the police call to tell me that hes absolutely fine. in fact they say he is in high spirits and when he is challenged on the comments made about being a star in heaven, he says this is because he was missing his daughter, The police are not impressed. I am then text, and text and he even calls my children to tell them the police are looking for me. (the police had promised me a call back to report on how he was – my ex failed to tell my kids that so they thought something had happened and I was in trouble.I have never been in trouble with the police, in fact in my job, i work alongside them).
A few days later, I get a text to say hi, as if nothing had ever happened. mental. He is then offering to help me with child care and wanting to be my pal. I am gobsmacked. I don’t accept his help.
Now the next Friday and he is calling me at work again. I ignore the calls. I am not leaving my work again.I eventually give in that evening as hes now text and at first we are having a decent conversation. Not for long as quickly I am accused of not being a supportive wife, not standing by him when hes had a mental breakdown (eh addiction) and again all about what I have not done as he is on his own (why is that), he asks about getting back with me, now I am upset as he has been horrible then tries to make me feel guilty, I say NO. I tell him not to contact me again, I tell him I will give him monthly email updates about his daughter. He has no reason to contact me . I cry but the time I spend crying is getting less. I am stronger now and would rather use my energy for my kids,not to be affected by him.
Further texts, I ignore and texts on a sunday morning at 7 am, again its all about him and the victim he is. It is becoming a pattern of nice, sorry, nasty,hurt, guilt, pretend nothing has happened, nice again. No I am getting fed up with this.
So my strength is returning but I am still wary, whats next?
I also have contacted the csa again in between all this as guess what,he missed his payments and gave me an excuse.not good enough i tell him so tell the csa and not me,im nnot listening.
Imagine my horror when the csa call me today and once again, I am upset at work {but then its nearly friday }his pattern emerging.
the csa question me and I feel like a criminal as they want to know if my daughter has always stayed with me. Of course she has. I answer every question and I ask if by any chance the address they think she stays at is… and I give them my ex’s temp accommodation address. Yes thats what they have and also information from another government agency that my daughter is resident with my ex at times. My ex has attempted to obtain my daughters child benefit money and falsely stated that she stays with him. I am shocked and hurt that he has sank so low to try and get her child benefit money off her ;80 pounds per month. Not only do I get no child support, now we are telling more lies and I , as the mother, is being questioned. Again because of my profession and my honesty , luckily i am believed but need to produce evidence that my wee girl stays with me. so exhausting and I cried again. he must be so desperate to try and steal his 7 year olds child benefit money and hes told me hes in recovery, attending aa and ga meetings, seeing a pyschologist and returning to work. (oh his work have forgiven him for stealing 8 grand off them as he confessed to being a cg and has stated his poor mental health and break down of his marriage has caused this). Sorry my anger and resentment is starting to show a little.still no consequences for his behaviour.
So, my emotions have been tested again, new tactics have been tried and failed as I have stood up against them and I am not going through another year of all this stress. I dont think it is over and some days i still feel low but not like I used to. Addiction might beat him but it most certainly, wont beat me
