Hello to you again Mr Ex
I knew the point your mother would have to leave but I knew that if she wanted to take you to the door she should – it is a long lonely trip for her to go home though!
The Gordon Houses are brilliant – I’m sorry your mum can’t see them. They are in a row with a communal area and all the residents will be at different stages. Leaving my CG there was really tough – I promised him I would phone as soon as I got home but I was blinded by some watery stuff that seemed to come out of my eyes and I got lost. A 4 hour journey became 5. I pulled in at a service station at one point to phone him and say I was home so he didn’t worry but I realised that although it was for the right reason I would have been lying to him and there were to be no more lies. By the time I got home the GH line was closed so I had to wait until the morning. A breezy voice told me he was fine.
I called once every week in the morning but I was only ever told that he had been seen that morning and was ok. When my CG did the programme it lasted 9 months and I know it is different now so a lot of what happened to me will be different. I believe there is still a period of settling down and determining if a person is listening and is on the GMA project for the right reason – back then that period was 3 weeks. After 3 weeks I heard nothing and panicked but during my weekly call I was told he had been seen and was fine so I was left to assume he was fully on the programme. I didn’t actually speak to my CG for 6 months and even then it was with a support worker beside him. I understand now that GMA do not know the extent of the backing the residents have from those who love them or to what amount they have contributed towards the problems that are being addressed – they need, therefore, to give their undivided attention to the resident without any bias. I would add here that my CG did blame me for long time after he went in to the programme and I would have been devastated if I had heard that. I understand from him that it was his choice that he didn’t make any contact because he was afraid of my reaction – he was not to know the amount of work I had put in to understanding his addiction and ‘me’.
I hope your mum will use the forum but if she doesn’t want the public forum then the group on Thursday evenings is completely private. The Helpline is one-to-one and they know all about the project so she can call there between 9am and 5pm, hopefully prepared perhaps just to hear you are still there and fine. I was told at one time he was smiling and that was a bonus!!
I think very few people like the unknown and the unknown for you is probably quite frightening. I hope you will know from everything I have ever written that I don’t put the icing on the cake unless it is truly deserved. GMA is the most amazing project and it can change your life if you want it enough. There ‘may’ be moments of boredom but what is a few moments of boredom compared to a lifetime in control of the thing that will tear you apart. When i look back at the 9 months my CG was in rehab it is a drop in the ocean compared to the life he has had since even though it seemed horrendously long at the time.
Many, many residents who have gone through the programme do not return to this site because they are leading the lives they hoped for which sadly leaves a dearth of experience for you to draw on but I hope that knowing that there are such people, many, many of them, will support you at this time.
When in doubts ask questions – you are being heard
Velvet
