Hello, Mercedes, welcome.
This was the perfect place to post and you made the right call. The realization that gambling has control of us, and not the other way around, has to be the best place to start.
So then, how do we stop trying to break down this cement wall with our head?
The easy answer: don’t gamble.
The hard answer: don’t gamble.
We simply forget the anguish and regret. You mentioned it was nine days since you swore off gambling that you went back to it. Nothing unusual about that. I’ve sworn off it and gambled the very next day.
Why does this happen? I believe it’s because every time I decide to quit, I leave a caveat in my decleration. It’s always very hushed and disreet, but it’s always there. I say to myself “This doesn’t necessarily mean I can’t ever gamble again…forever. If the right scenerio happens, like I come into a bunch of money (money fairy?), then I can gamble. But for right now, I quit.”
This is a problem for me. If I leave a heartbeat to the notion of ever gambling again, I will.
The other thing I have to understand is that I will always lose..in the end. This is coming from a pretty decent gambler. I can win 80% of the time I play and go home with the money. I can literally do this. But I have a problem. This problem is that I’m a compulsive gambler and I cannot accept a loss, no matter how small and cannot accept a win, no matter how big. I simply keep playing until the money is gone. Doesn’t matter if it takes a day, week, month or year, I’ll play until the last dollar in my pocket.
So, in order for me to succeed and/or make it to the next level of recovery, I have to understand and appreciate three things. They are now the law in my life:
1) I have a gambling problem.
2) I can never gamble again, no matter what.
3) I will always lose in the end.
Simple rules to follow, right? For a compulsive gambler, not so much. In fact, they’re quite difficult. But not impossible.
You have begun your path, Mercedes, just remember that there are stones in our paths we may trip on, streams that may need crossing, and possibly even the occasional snake that may cross our path. But this mustn’t deter us. Hell, it’ll be a cakewalk conisidering the path of gambling that we have been wakling on is nothing but snakes.
Best of luck, Mercedes. Don’t be a stranger.