I have not posted for a while, and I am feeling so agitated right now, so where do I come, somewhere I know that I will not be judged. I have not played the machines and it is coming close to 2 years for me. The last time I played a machine was November 1, 2012, but I know that I am not safe no matter how long it is. I have been struggling with depression a bit, and when I get like that I tend to pull back. I am still working and had a meeting last night that reminded me of how it used to be for me at work. I am trying to figure out if I am the problem and it is a control issue with me, so I am using this as my release valve to try and get my thoughts down. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Change is challenging is my thread name, and yes it is challenging at work as well. I was struggling with the thought of retiring next year, but I believe how the meeting went last night as helped me to realize that I don’t want all the stress and headaches any more. If I want to work then I will go and do something that is less stressful. I am getting to old for all this sh** I know I have to be open to change, but I also have to stand up for what I believe in. It does not mean that I don’t want change, it means that I was side lined last night with someone who had their own agenda. I realize now it was two weeks since this person had information and was going to discuss it with me, but did not bring it up to me individually, but at a meeting in front of everyone. I am thinking that this person definitely had their own agenda as he wanted to have this committee formed to look into something which would have provided him with the opportunity to move forward and get what he wanted. I suppose I put a road block in his plans. It seems funny writing all this and not being able to provide the full details, but sometimes just typing this helps clarify things in your head.
I need to talk to someone who is involved in our organization and is a level headed person, and who knows me and how emotional and passionate I am about what I do. I am going to call her and see if we can get together. She is not the type of person who will give me the answer I want to hear, but will discuss it with me and help me. I am sorry that I am so vague about all these things, but it is all confidential stuff and working with a Board can be challenging. I think just typing this out has helped me. One day at a time, and again God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
I am reading posts and will post soon, thanks for letting me try and figure things out here!!!
