Can’t believe it’s been almost a year since I last posted in this this “journal”. I was doing some soul searching here lately and thinking a lot about what I’ve been through, made me think of course of the darkest time in my life. So…. here I am to once again push for all of you to do whatever it takes to get away from the gambling world. It’s been so long since I last stepped foot in a casino (slot machines were my poison), that’s hard for me to even attempt to understand the pull of it. I do, however, remember days/nights spent in the casinos. I remember spending so much time in them that I would go home and fall asleep to the sound of the slot machines still dinging in my head. The horrible smell of all the cigarette smoked caked all over me, and I don’t smoke but for some reason I felt the undying need to place myself in that environment every day. That’s how bad I was, I went EVERY SINGLE DAY!! It’s getting closer now to the three year mark and I’m still going strong. I work in a factory now and I work around a lot of gamblers but I can honestly say that hearing them all talk about their trips to the casino only makes me feel scared for them. Scared they may cross that line and never be able to turn back. I still never think of going. I have such a long way to go before all of my debt is paid back and I’ve been through so much because of the addiction that I hate even the thought of a casino. I have thankfully started to rebuild some bridges that I thought for sure were gone forever. I hurt a lot of people but forgiveness is a beautiful thing when you have the courage to allow it into your heart. People I was sure would never speak to me again are starting to come around. It’s taken me two years to get here, jail, 57,000 dollars in fines, fees, and restitution, heartbreak, embarrassment, loss, grief, and a whole lot of demoralization but I’m here. I’m alive and stronger than ever.
Take a look at your life. Take a look at who you were before you started gambling and who you are now. I know the grip it has on you. I know that feeling of complete helplessness. I know that no matter how hard you try it seems you lose the battle every day to this horrible disease. I also know that there is hope, there is a way to get away. Everyone is different. It took hitting the bottom of all bottoms for me to get away and I pray each and every day that none of you have to get to that point. But I am proof that there is life after gambling. There is life after hitting bottom. There’s a better, fuller, happier, less stressful life after it all. Starting right now remember who you were and set your sights on being that person, only a bit wiser for the wear. Focus on today and today alone. Get through it without gambling and congratulate yourself at the end of every day that you don’t gamble. Buy a calendar and pencil in a schedule every day. Make sure you fill every minute of that day. New hobbies, new adventures, new friends… just fill it. Stay so busy and get so wrapped up in just living that the thought of gambling never enters your mind. It can be done and it only gets easier with every passing day. There is a passage from the bible that got me through every step of the horrifying court battle that I went through for a year of my life, I’ll share it and hope it can least help someone else.
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”
