My ex partner is a CG. I too found it a little strange when I came here what is now 8 years ago, like you I was looking for advice on how to cope with the problems caused through gambling etc. I too was told to look after me which at the time confused me and seemed almost ‘limp’ advice given the adverse circumstances – but it was probably the best single piece of advice I have ever been given concerning living with or coping with this addiction.
I guess it means something different to all of us but to me it meant providing myself with the opportunity for my head to clear and some clarity to return. Our thoughts and nearly every waking moment gets consumed by the addiction of another person, our happiness begins to depend on the decisions made by another person and in particular the recovery of another person, we begin to be controlled by the addiction to gamble but In a different way. We burn out trying to understand something that can never be understood and trying to prepare for every eventuality – always hoping and often waiting for the next bombshell.
Caroline it is you recognising that you are also important and that although it seems that way right now, your happiness does not depend on someone’s addiction or recovery and not becoming a victim or part of it’s wreckage. The addiction controls your husband it does not control you even though it probably feels that way
Looking after you is how you become stronger, it’s what will get you through and it’s what will get your children through, having a mum that’s getting stronger and hopefully happier.
When was the last time you did something just for you – what did you like to do before gambling took over, when I was asked that question I remember getting upset because I couldn’t answer it. Spending time with friends etc whose lives were not taken up with gambling was one of the things which hit home to me how abnormal my life had really become, not easy though as most of the time I just felt like hiding away.
And for what it’s worth, I absolutely don’t think you should take him with you !! it’s you making time for you not for him and his problem – although it is nice to be able to do things together which also do not involve the constant use of the G word ( as well as not instead of )
Be kind to yourself , try it, it seems strange but it works.
Jenny