Hi Cant cope
It turns my stomach reading your post.
I am a CG, (compulsive gambler), myself and not best placed to offer you any guidance, but as the forums tend to be a bit quiet at the weekend, thought I’d just let you know someone was reading and somebody cares.
I am a fifty year old bloke, and like your son, I was gambling at 18. In those days there was no internet but I stole, lied, cheated, and cruelly manipulated my family to get gambling money.
I also heavily smoked weed but didn’t start that until much much later.
The reason I’m writing this isn’t to tell you how bad I was, but to let you know that you are definitely doing the right thing by not enabling him. There is hope.
I don’t gamble at all now but to get to this stage in my life where I actually am happy has taken a very long time.
I don’t think its wrong of you to want to get him sectioned and completely understand why, however the choice of whether he would get sectioned or not is ultimately down to the mental health services. Unfortunately though I do not think that would help him in any way, and may even lead to worse problems.
As you are probably aware an addict of any description will not kick the addiction in to touch until they seek out help for themselves. This will not usually happen until they admit they have a problem that needs addressing. Some say this only happens when an addict reaches rock bottom. In my life I have been to prison 5 times, several psychiatric hospitals, lived on the street and been involved in some hideous crimes. Although I first heard about this place Rock Bottom at a GA meeting when I was 16 or 17 I don’t think I ever really believed I had gotten there. (I was going to GA in those days to please my parents).
I’m sure you will have read the posts on this forum, and know that you’re not alone with this.
There is hope. Although it has taken me such a long time to sort myself out, there is a lot more awareness of problem gambling these days, and lots of places that could help your son, when hes ready.
If you think your middle son is mature enough to grasp that gambling is a major problem and he genuinely wants to help the eldest, then maybe you could show him this website. Maybe he’ll realise that by lying for him he is enabling and therefore prolonging the addictions.
You are right when you say its a chicken and egg situation regarding gambling and mental health, but I do know that the gambling can be sorted.
I cant advise you on anything I’m afraid, just wanted to let you know you’ve been heard.
I don’t know if your son has been in trouble with the police before, if not you might consider bringing historical charges against him for using your bank card? Maybe the shock of being arrested and locked up might be his rock bottom, it is for some.
Please please don’t give up hope. Your son didn’t ask for this addiction as much as you never, like most conditions in life some people get it and some don’t.
You are definitely doing the right thing by not enabling him.
One thing I can be certain of is that you will get great support on this forum, please, for your own sake (and sanity!), keep checking.
Take Care.
Geordie.