Hi Rainman (Cool name).
I read your post and totally emphasise with your words and story and feel for you.
I have been in the same place recently as you and felt exactly like you some 4 weeks ago. Basically my life was unrecoverable and over. Impossible situations and events and losses ended up with me with 6, yes 6 suicide events within a three period. Self afixiation and jumping from some tall buildings were my choices during tjis desperate period. 100% I wanted To end the torment and pain I was feeling and going through. And planned each with meticiolos care but events transpired I failed each time. ( A timely phone call from my daughter some seconds before I was going to jump of the Hilton skyline bar some 100 feet up to name one).
Anyway like on my blog I received lots of good advice and comments from many members of this site. Even those words from those members (And they were wise words) I could not see a ‘light at the end of any tunnel. I felt total overwhelmed in my head with everything. Little sleep compounded with everything going wrong and not just in my gambling life. Chasing loss after loss and completely losing myself in a gambling bubble I couldnt escape. Just a question = do you suffer from depression ? (I did and the gambling possibly was an escape from certain other issues in my life).
Bottom line is read my blog:
https://www.gamblingtherapy.org/en/first-post
You can see I went from 30k + up to 30 k down in the space of 5 weeks. I posted goodbye posts on my first suicide attempt as mentioned in my previous comment with my daughter. I also recognised even when I had no debt some 3 months ago I could see the fall coming. People posted to try and Save me. I’m a compulsive gambler and at the time couldn’t be saved. No message was strong enough. No advice struck me. That is why I post to you this evening that there is always a way foward with your situation. I look foward to your response then can give more information and hopefully help in your situation.
Thanks for reading. Paul