I disagree with you about complacency. In the first few weeks even first few months yes you’re really focussed on not gambling, And you feel really pleased about the fact that you really really haven’t gambled, with me I wanted everybody to share my new found happiness. I had achieved what I never thought I could, I’d stopped gambling, I was euphoric about it and I wanted everybody to know. But of course, they had all heard it before. How many times had they heard me say “it’s different this time, I feel like I’ve turned a corner”
But I became totally focussed on not gambling, I was becoming a slave to therapy much as I had been with the gambling. I was no more complacent with the other things in my life, than I had been when I was gambling. I was ignorant to them I was totally focussed on not gambling but not complacent with the other things that mattered, just a bit blinkered if not completely ignorant to them.
I do appreciate we are all different, we interprate things differently, we behave differently, we observe things differently and we prioritise things differently.
I have found the further I get from my last bet timewise, the less focussed I have become on not gambling. It dosnt require as much focus now because it has become the norm for me.
I tell you now, one urge, just one urge and I’d have a big fight on my hands, I find it extremely difficult to fight off urges but I just don’t get them now. However knowing that there is no guarantee it will always be this way I have taken precautions to protect my money. Nobody knows what tomorrow is going to bring.
I don’t think it’s more important to have limited internet access, rather than ringfence your funds. They may both be important but even with limited internet there’s still the bingo, the lottery and ways to increase your internet access.
I think you are doing well, and I am pleased for you. You know I’m not the sort of bloke who just says “well done”. Neither am I the sort of bloke who will just sit and look for possible pitfalls in people’s posts. Although I do see many, including when I read my own threads.
So I must say that I was disappointed that you still haven’t changed your phone, not disappointed in you. But disappointed for you, and also the same when I read you weren’t going to GA.
I would have completely understood if you had said that you’d tried GA and it wasn’t really for you so you weren’t going back. But when I read what you wrote on Monday I must admit I thought it was just a cop out. “What if my car broke down” but what if it didn’t?
I agree it’s daft travelling miles to get to GA if there are more local meetings. The main reason I don’t get urges is because I’m always talking about my problems, getting things off my chest. If GA isn’t going to happen for you what about counselling, there are addictions counsellors available on the NHS via a referral from you G.P.
Having said all that IDI the most important thing of all is that you are no longer gambling, you are now into your third week, I appreciate how difficult you have found it all over the years, and you deserve a massive pat on the back for the 14 days you’ve done so far. There is no reason why they can’t be the the first fourteen days of a future without any gambling.
Gambling gives us nowt but pain and grief as you well know.
I am being judgemental here, I realise that, but I know just how vicious gambling addiction is. As usual I’m judging you, as I do with every CG, by my own standards when I gambled. It may be unfair to do so, it is not with any malicious intentions. I used to say similar things to P and Vera, as well as Kathryn when she gambled a few months ago after 8 years off. Those three ladies in my eyes are the holy trinity! But I’m afraid if I see anybody making the mistakes I made, or using the excuses I’ve used I am going to voice my opinion.
Nobody has to gamble. Nobody is doomed to it. But just because you’ve removed something that prevents you bypassing your filter, that hasn’t made your phone impossible to gamble on. Just because you’ve made your money more difficult to access, doesn’t mean you can’t get to it.
Why not change your joint account to hubby only? Why not downgrade your phone. Why not do everything in your power to make the possibility of you gambling again near enough impossible??
Gambling ruins lives why leave doors open to it?
As much as I go on IDI, I know you will do whatever you want, as we all do. I didn’t give over control of my finances because somebody nagged me. I done it because I knew it was the only thing to more or less guarantee I couldn’t spunk my wages up the wall.
The not gambling isn’t because my boss controls my money, it’s because I don’t want to anymore. But in a weak moment I just can’t go and get money, I have never wanted to gamble on one occasion this year, yes I chose to put the lottery on a couple of times, I can live with that.
Not gambling is great, not wanting to gamble even better.
I’m sorry that this post might seem harsh or negative but man IDI, whether you admit it or not you have left the door to gambling ajar, if not open a bit. Well in my opinion anyway. I hope you do take some more steps as a preventative measure against any possible future gambling.
I started writing this after work on my phone, at least an hour and a half ago I hope it’s of some benefit to you.
I don’t take as much time posting to people now as I used to, you’ve been on this site a long time and I don’t mind giving my time to try and help you, not pick on you.
Day 15 tomorrow though, that’s the good bit.
Take care.
Geordie.