Well if i had to pick a place to land i would still choose this place,i was right i knew i could feel it,the depression came with me,finished my last anxiety class on friday, weeks,and the lady said she would c lose my file,and if i ever wanted to take more classes i would have to reapply all over ugh.Everyone else got told a follow up with them in a few weeks ,but for me when it was my turn we all could hear what was being said i expect the same talk ,but no i was the only one whose file was closed? Oh well back to square one i guess.I went to a GA meeting last night,took alot of self talk to get me there but i did it,as i walk to the door a group of ladies were chatting,and one i had chummed shortly with in the past from GA i see her i got kinda ready for a hello ,but as our eyes met she averted her eyes and looked away,i was kinda shocked and for sure hurt,but i kept going in ,she had to sit near me one seat right next to me or one over she chose the one over.I knew then she did not want to associate with me.And so i never tried again,whats the point.
I never got to share meeting ran out of time,but that was okay,my stories no different then any one else there really,as i stood to leave i left without one goodbye,not any different from any other meeting there for me.
Now the difference is i told myself all day lower your expections of GA to zero, and then when thats all the unity you get or support ,then you will have no reason to let it get to you,still hurt still feel stupid for trying again still felt alone ,but today as much as i try im so depressed and feel very much like i have been left for dead.LOL maybe just maybe thats how iam meant to ride out my recovery alone and weary day after day,punishment,after all i made this hell now i have to live it.
New address maybe ,new phone number maybe,new me NEVER .
