Dear diary
I love this saying, one of my recovery friend like to use this ” everything was not ok but I am ok”, there was a lot of wisdom in it, it was all about calm and peace in the middle of the storm. Despite all the bad news that life has throw at him, he manage to remain clean and sober
I knew everything was not ok recently and I was not ok. It ended up with a slip / relapse.
What could I have done differently next time.
Why don’t I sacrifice the small sum of money to love myself more, find help to get proper rest and sleep, it could be the end of the story on the day. I lack wisdom and clarity of the mind.
Why didn’t I sacrifice my personal desires, etc alcohol and gambling for the love of my family. I was so selfish, irresponsible and careless. I have make a mistake and committed a repeated offence, will be hard for any man to forgive me for doing wrong again.
I allow the alcohol to run my life on this day, I did thought about God when I was drunk but I am not going to be self righteous about it, I was drunk and thinking of God. On this fateful night I was drunk and talking about God. Alcohol was controlling me, alcohol become my master on that fateful night.
I cannot serve 2 master on this night, it is either God or alcohol, I will surely love one more than the other
I have never attain perfection in recovery all these times but it is true if I work hard in recovery with God ‘s grace, life can change, life can improves, it is worth it!
God has help me to do what I cannot do in recovery. For me it is a miracle because on my own for so many years, I could not get well. Now that I am better, how can I slip/relapse and turn to the demon.
I so regretted about my behaviors and was ashamed of my slip / relapse. I needed God to have mercy on me and give me grace.