Over the past three weeks, I have encountered every possible trigger and I have to say, today I finally admitted, I have done nothing but want to gamble for two whole days.. I haven’t, instead I spoke to someone, it took me a while but I had to let someone else in. No disrespect (beggars can’t be choosers), I feel a little weight lifted, but the truth is I need someone around me who gets me and this..
I have now taken over my own finances as I felt like my “partner” wasn’t doing the best job, he’s buried his head in the sand. My fear is he’s living with his own addiction and I can’t help him, he won’t face up to it, the bug bearer is, it seems bella and I go without because of it, not just financially, he has no time for us either. I claim benefits as he doesn’t actually live with me, I have asked him to move in so I can stop claiming as this is putting huge pressure on me, but I know have to face the fact, I don’t think he could or would be able to support us financially. I asked him yesterday how much money he owed a certain person ans he responded “I don’t want to know, you ask him”..My mind spiralled, its bellas birthday in three weeks and I want to treat her to a trip to thomas land, but I can see its not on his list of priorities, which is making want to gamble, I don’t want her to go without, why should she..me I will survive..either way, I am going to be the bad one, If I ask him to leave us, bella will hate me, if I gamble everyone including me will probably hate me and I will hate me, if i can give my daughter the birthday she deserves, I have done a couple of weeks work, which earnt me £780, it’s all gone on food bills and other people.. it was supposed to be my saving grace, but it’s just made everything worse.. my heads ready to explode. help please…
