Hi Andy
I’d really like for you to talk to others in “real time”, I can hear how distressed you are and I think being in a group of your peers and feeling their acceptance and understanding of you could help you to feel a little less lost. Of course you’ll get excellent advice there too. The group times can be found here: https://www.gamblingtherapy.org/en/online-support-groups-problem-gamblers-their-friends-and-family
If you feel more comfortable, come and talk to one of our counsellors/online advisors on our helpline. https://www.gamblingtherapy.org/en/problem-gambling-support-helpline
I hope we get to talk soon.
Take care
Janey