I am really greatful for you reading my story and taking the time to reply. This is a crazy crazy ride I’ve found myself on. I’m a 34 year old woman who is independent, finally in a great job that I am good at, have done my full recovery from my accident entirely alone and the kind of girl who hopes she still has time to meet at partner and have a family. If anyone knew in my personal world what I was knee deep in they would be angry and shocked after everything I have pulled myself through.
You are right, there is so much shame and guilt entwined in this heavy and dangerous world that at times I find myself struggling to understand how I got here. I am beyond excited to have found the GT ap and forums and just this morning I have sent an email to ask for professional counselling that is offered in my local area for problem gambling.
If I had managed to pull myself through this a year ago after after my big win, I would be debt free with enough money for a deposit on a house of my own for me and my dog. But here I am, ashamed to admit I only have 10k left of my winnings and have already taken us a small personal loan as a result of my addiction.
But I also know that it’s not too late for me to turn it around. No one knows what I won, no one knows what I have lost. So it for me alone to own the shame in that and do something to turn it all around and get myself back on track to saving the deposit needed for a home.
I really appreciate the support. This forum is amazing and I feel like the weight of the world is starting to shift now I no longer bare this in silence.
I have my final quarterly meeting next month with my financial advisor to see how I’m going. I have a lot of things to fix and try and answer for in my accounts before then and it terrifies me that they won’t be willing to work with me for another year because of my gambling losses. If I keep on tract with them for another year I know I can earn my recent losses back through hard work, budgeting and some hard savings. I hope she gives me a chance. She knows about a 10k loss last year I had to come clean about and she was very angry with me, understandably. I guess it’s completely undone all the hard work they have put into me.
It all changes now. I will turn this around!