That sounds like great progress. Glad to hear your finances are getting sorted and you’re starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I think there is something in the urge to gamble that’s related to an addiction to feeling “right on the edge” … like feeling like the story of your life is walking along a cliff and feeling the adrenaline pump at the possibility of falling. It’s like we get addicted to living life that way.
In this sense, gambling is also an extension of addiction to the need for that stressful, adrenaline inducing unknown … as gambling is phased out of our lives, more spaciousness opens up for feeling emotions, relating to people better, and feeling more confident about life itself.
The on edge state is one that constantly pushing and pulling and threatening to make or break us … I think it’s a gradual process to rewire ourselves to get hooked into the energy emotion and state of confidence, feeling on top of or even a little ahead of work, and stepping into actions and situations where we know the outcome and odds have to be stacked in our favor or give a guaranteed outcome.
I think you’ll continue to understand more about yourself, feel better, and enjoy life more as you write more/untangle “the beast” — that feeling of how much potential happiness there is for life/existence is powerful. It’s like a deeper joy that’s never needed a gamble to feel amazing … gradually coming back to the surface (of course, deeper negative feelings that were numbed can come to the surface as well).
Keep writing, and make today completely gamble free! : )