So great to hear that you have rewarded yourself! You most definitely deserve it, and I hope you take a little time to really savor it!
Your experience reminds me of how strange and distorted my relationship with money became when I gambled. On the one hand, I saw my wife clipping coupons and thought, what’s the point? I lose $500 at the casino and my wife works to save 50 cents on paper towels? Hard to wrap my mind around that. Made me feel really guilty, which is exactly how I should feel after that. On the other hand, I need a new shirt or some new socks and think, oh, I can wait another month or two on that. Too guilty to spend on myself for something that I could really use. Why? Gambled it away. The whole idea of money gets very confusing when you are gambling.
Another glaring example that gambling is completely insane! We have these false thoughts that somehow gambling will help us to feel better? Give us pleasure? It’s all a sham and a lie. That’s the addiction talking! In reality, gambling hurts us and makes us feel bad! The struggle is to realize these things when the urge strikes. That’s why there is no shame in putting every block possible in place and letting others help with the money side while I am trying to get some clean time under my belt and start getting better emotionally and mentally. I am so glad I have that support around me to help. I hope you have that or can get that too!
Cheers and have a great weekend!