The answer for me to your most insightful question is no, I would not have developed the addiction if I had been leading a happy supported life. I most certainly was not happy when I started gambling and many women CGs have similar issues with either no emotional support anywhere for a long time, like me or in roles and relationships that do not nurture them. My odd pattern was that I never gambled or had urges when away from home all during the week for a long period of time so I could clearly identify that the issue was all to do where I was living and with whom I was sharing my space. I don’t know why it is that a certain type of woman uusually the nurturing kind seems to choose partners that are completely unsuitable for them. This has been my lot. I think it is because we need to learn first to stand on our own two feet and be clear about what we will accept in our lives and what we won’t. And I also think we get worn away by the cares in our Iives. I think half the population could say they feel like this at certain points. I certainly do and it is a kind of giving up or the realisation that this is as good as it gets that leads to a sort of depression. Cos if this is as good as it gets then life would appear to be full of drabness and mundanity which all goes to make for a world weary stance on things. Gambling was me giving up cos it had all been too difficult and I had no one who had the perspective, interest or care to help me out of what I was feeling. That is sad. This is certainly how I felt, not saying the same for you! It it all has to do with a lack of love or self love in our lives. When we feel the love within ourselves we are capable of loving others. And, as Vera says the key to happiness is to be without desire and detached, like the buddhists would say. To be attached is to suffer. When I have been in touch with the higher power and That has been the most high moments in my life, when I feel the love Within everything is just fine just as it is. Most definitely this is the cause of all suffering and also the cure . Love does conquer many things. I think to feel and receive love is the most vital thing in our lives and too many of us are bereft of this and need to go within to find it. maybe the loneliness comes from a lack of connection within, I don’t know, but in my most connected moments I may be alone but I am not lonely. Getting very philosophical here… and I must admit I am struggling to integrate all of the spiritual, emotional and physical aspects into wo we are as humans, but then I have always had this issue throughout my life, i.e. My focus has always been on the spiritual to the detriment of all the other bits that make us human. I shall stop waffling now on your thread but I do know exactly where you are with feeling how you do.
