Great honesty Monica.
It kinda reminds me of when I was gambling – if you don’t mind me making the connection .
I simply could not bear to play small money – but at the end of the session when I was desperate to stay in the action I would be thrilled to find a pound in my account and play 10p spins . Then I would ask myself if I can play 10p spins now why did I not do so all night instead of leaving myself broke?
I’m actually not sure how that relates to what you have written but it just reminded me of it .