Dear diary,
I am grateful for any circumstances that gave me the opportunity to renew my decision and commitment to turn over my will and my life over to the care of God as we understood Him mention in Step 3 of the recovery program.
I have learn thru trial and error that this is not a one time decision but a daily one.
I have learn from my mistakes the danger and risk of co-dependent on any recovery person or place.
I have also learn thru my slips and relapses that changing my heart and thinking is more lasting than changing my behavior.
Having said all that, I feel that I could not stay stop on my own. If I could, it would have succeeded more than 20 years ago, sadly it didn’t, I ended up trying to kill myself twice and continue to gamble for the next 20 years.
It only took a wise man simple advise more than 2.5 years ago, he was a God send angel, he encourage me to work hard to seek my Higher Power, most importantly he told me his secret that I can find all my answers in the bible. He was a living example, how can it be so simple, but coming from a successful man, it was very convincing indeed.
I realized Lord Jesus Christ was my Higher Power and my tool in recovery, the 12 steps recovery program started to function in my life as a result of my Higher Power.
I could not stop gambling and I was not successful working my stepwork for many years but God ‘s presence made the difference.
My Savior, my Lord Jesus Christ help me to do what I could not do on my own.
Amen.