Compulsive gambling is a cross cultural issue. Lots of people of all nationalities gamble, but if they are compulsive gamblers, regardless of nationality, I can bet a pound to a pinch of sugar that their wealthy homes and businesses won’t last too long because in the end, gambling takes EVERYTHING!
CGs love to give the “Big Shot” impression so maybe your GF falls for their fake wealth. When I was losing my month’s salary and up to my neck in debt, I borrowed money from high interest lenders to pay debts, buy lavish Christmas/ Birthday presents, to put people off the G scent and give the impression that I was loaded. I loved flashing money around and the reality was, it was all borrowed. We tend to fool ourselves and others to make things appear normal. Pride prevents us from admitting we are broke. Underneath that facade there lies a lot of loneliness, pain and turmoil. CGs would win an Oscar for our prize performances.
CGs also live in a Fool’s Paradise , Gvralls. Don’t allow yourself to be sucked in.
As for putting ourselves first, I know lots of very selfish people who never gambled in their lives but they are “me, myself, I”people through and through . I have met many, many CGs, well established in recovery who are extremely unselfish and who now spend their lives making amends to the families and friends who were hurt by their gambling and helping other CGs.
We need to make a clear distinction here between a CG in action and a CG in Recovery.
If I were in your shoes, I would set up barriers as we discussed. Spell out the terms and conditions to your GF. Don’t expect her change over night. If you enjoy her company doing healthy/fun things together, that’s fine but you need to set clear limits e.g. going to a casino with her is like spooning sugar into a diabetic’s mouth. It’s a no go area for you. Giving her money is out. Colluding with her illusions won’t help either of you. Allowing her to talk too much about gambling is out too. She has other outlets for that. Why can’t she start a Thread here on GT?
Look after your own assets. Keep your own friends and family close. Enjoy the friendship. Keep it simple and keep the communication open. Try not to see her as the “one and only” in your life. Sorry to say it, but she comes well flagged!
PS. I know quite a few Asian people. Some wouldn’t dream of gambling. Ever. A few are, like me, full blown CGs. In my experience they do tend to put themselves first. I put that down to the fact that they often have 3 generations relying on them financially ” back home”. Money is their ticket to “happiness”.
Gambling in the work place is not uncommon. Staff in most places club in to do the Lotto. I used to say “I don’t do Lotto because it’s waste of time and money” It is an easy cop out though if a CG wants to gamble; they can twist that around and pass it off as an innocent bit of fun that “everyone enjoys”.
The bottom line , Gvralls, is that YOU need to decide what you want from this relationship and only you can set the boundaries to prevent it ending in tears.
Keep posting!
