Today, I decided I have to take real actions to stop the gambling addiction. I began by tossing out my old laptop that allowed me to gamble. I have other devices that are being protected with numerous blocking programs. I am worried because I have an iPad that doesn’t have any blockers. I need to figure that out. Luckily, I’ve self-excluded myself from the last online casino account I had before I went to work yesterday morning. I am glad I did because when I came home, I tried to gamble ’cause I still had the laptop and at midnight my banking account would have allowed me to make a new transaction. Trying hard to remove the opportunities to gamble.
Then I went to my bank to close the account that was enabling me to easily make deposits. I had around $450 in the account and I thought I would get the cash and close the account. I had planned to eTransfer those funds to my other bank account which does not allow online transactions. For some reason, I decided I’d rather go into the bank and have it withdrawn as cash. Guess what? Instead, it turns out that I owed the bank $540 from a past old account and they took the $450 I had towards those old fees. So instead of having the $450 cash that I was going to use towards seeing a counsellor, I have nothing. I was upset at the whole situation and mad at myself that I didn’t do the eTransfer this morning as I had planned so that I could at least have some money until I next get paid. I wanted to cry! Why didn’t I do that transfer? I will try not to let this ruin my day as I have taken the first steps to recovery. This was to eliminate access to money despite not getting the funds. I’m next going to hand over my finances to a close friend of mine.
Tonight, I plan to go to my first GA meeting. I’m nervous. Often when I plan to do something that is new, I cancel at the last moment because of anxiety. However, after many posts in this forum as well as other sites it seems that GA has been the key factor in recovery. I am planning to keep occupied elsewhere and not think about gambling. I hope weekly GA meetings will eliminate the free time I would have used gambling.
Today, I choose not to gamble.