Female g and p, thankyou very much for your posts and support they mean a great deal to me and I hope you are both keeping well.
This is day 15 gamble free for me but I have to admit I am really struggling today with very strong urges to gamble. I took my boy fishing this morning for a bit of farther and son time together, I have had a long week a work but wanted to make the effort, up early and when we got there we were fishing by 7am, it was cold, windy and hacked down with rain…….after 1 hour of my boy moaning that we hadnt caught a fish it started blowing stronger and raining heavier, so we packed up and went home in truth I wasnt enjoying it much either, just before I put the rods away we caught 2 small fish so that was nice not a total waste of time, my boy has been picked on at school recently and I have had a nightmare trying to sort it all out, I shouldnt say it but the teachers are a joke anyway I wont go on about that or I am just going to get myself wound up.
I am struggling with this addiction and at the moment I am in a big hole, struggling to pay the loan sharks and having thoughts of just trying to blast myself out of it, I know………..it wont work…….it never does, just feeling down and depressed today, just got paid and have paid all the bills, brought all the food, paid for all the kids clubs, the boys swimming lessons and the girls gym lessons, more easter eggs than you can shake a stick at but just for today I am in a strange mode and not feeling the love, I feel wired, uptight, angry, agitated but not really sure as to why.
Life is like a rollercoaster and I know that for sure, I have just gone out the house to buy and nice pork and stuffing joint for tommorow and on the way back nipped into my local for a quick pint and typing this, I have obtained money and sitting contemplating what to do……………….I have come to the conclusion that fishing is very much like life……………..at times you have to be very paitent but in the end you get what you want!
Thank you for listening as you always do, thank you for posting, sharing, caring, helping and loving but most of all thanks for understanding me……………….in all honesty I dont understand myself half the time.
Take care all, stay strong and never give up fighting, today I am very tired and dont have alot of fight……………..If I gamble again and lose (as I will) I dont think I could live with myself and come back from it again, my emotions are all over the show, blood pressure sky high and my nerves totaly shot, why do we put ourselves through so much pain and hurt when the world can be a challenging place just as it is!
Yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet here, all I have is today and I should make the most of it!
Maverick