Pie – you wrote: “3 weeks ago I began feeling the utter desperation of my finances again …”
and I am guessing that that was the trigger for your recent relapse.
I know my head got scrambled when I started worrying about what I had lost – I “felt” I had to do something, got fidgity, played the “should I, shouldn’t I game in my head.” It took a while before I realised that these are the early warning signs of a potential relapse and that I need to tackle them head on.
The first thing I would do is talk to someone. Better to say to someone that I know I am in danger of gambling again than to confess after the event. If I worked with a counsellor, it was often to come to a sensible plan of action on my finances that DIDN’T involve gambling. (More often it was just about “knowing” that things were tough but as long as I kept to plan I would get through.
Second was a spur to do something ANYTHING to take my mind off these self-doubts. Doing something for other people worked best. When I was in my “woe is me” phase – the attention was on ME. I needed to take the attention off myself for a little while and concentrate on someone else – even a complete stranger. My strategy was to do some voluntary work – so I helped at a club for people with dementia (serving teas and coffees – but mainly just chatting.) It also helped to put my life in perspective.
Thirdly, when I felt stronger and that I had got through the test – I treated myself. I have to admit this was mainly food, I can only tackle one problem at a time. But sometimes it was by just letting my hair down a little, (I still had some then.)
Gamblers gamble – so don’t be too hard on yourself and don’t let others judge you too harshly in the early days of your recovery. Learn from your relapses. Watch as you do less damage each time (you will still feel shit though.) Watch as the spaces between relapses grow.
I gambled again after a 3 year abstinence. In hindsight it was because I had taken too much on and wasn’t putting myself first. The gambling last a few months but was less intense than usual and with working with a counsellor on looking after myself – I was able to stop. My last few relapses only lasted a few days. I hated the feelings that they generated and the realisation that I could slip into my old life.
I hope this all helps. New Zealand is one of the few places where co-counselling happens. https://www.coco.org.nz/ I found this extremely useful and a great community to be involved with. Keep posting.