Thank you for the support and comments. I really appreciate it. Today is my daughter’s 13th birthday and I feel just about as low as I ever have. I’ve let myself down again and been to the bookies to gamble, consequently I feel like s**t all over again. I’m determined to give my daughter a nice day – she deserves it – but inside I feel like I want to give up on everything. We’re having a very low key family party later and I have to put on a front and pretend I’m feeling ok. The truth is I feel suicidal and find myself thinking about it more and more, how I could do it, when and where etc. My children have have always been a great protective factor, I adore them and would never want to do anything to hurt them, but I feel increasingly detached from everything. Despite the support I have this is a very lonely addiction. I just don’t know if I have the strength to carry on anymore. If gambling were my only problem I might feel like fighting it, but I have so many other problems health wise, financially, personally. I’m sick of it all.
