Thank you for your responses jenny and velvet. You both write with such empathy that I am always in tears. Tears of relief I think. Jenny your journey has been tough yet here you are helping others with words that make such sense. Velvet I remember months before posting reading your posts to others and thinking how eloquent your words were but how little I felt I understood them or how little they seemed to apply to me.
I now feel completely differently. I feel better informed about my CG addiction than ever before but it is such a different way of reacting that I have doubts. By taking a step back I am starting to see how manipulative my CG can be. He has had little contact in recent weeks since his ‘ I have got no money for maintenance or holiday message’ . This is down to little response from me. I realise now the big part of I have perhaps unwittingly played in his addiction. How much I was letting it also control me.
Well that is past and no more. Two messages that are really sticking in my mind are from the group a few weeks ago. Jenny the advice you had received and shared about your ex he will always lie for his own purpose as part of his addiction but you do not have to ( I hope my interpretation is correct!) .Velvet your comment that you have to want things to change enough for you to actually do it.
I do not want to live a lie and hence changing is what Im striving for. Posting on here really helps me believe I have the confidence to help my daughter deal with her dads addiction. I cannot protect her from the truth and its just hard to accept. Her upset is painful. It is so true that CG is a family problem. I am however trying to minimise the damage. In answering your question velvet I probably do tense when she mentions her dad. I get anxious that she will be upset. I suppose if I’m more matter of fact and accepting of the situation she will be.
I have used the counselling service before. It is worth a try but i have contacted other agencies before that i felt were not able to offer me the support that i wanted. This site and your responses in contrast have have helped me so much. I would never have had the courage to take step back from my CG without this site. I would have doubted myself too much. I perhaps didn’t realise how much I have lost of myself. But protecting my daughter as much as possible is my goal. After all I will only have her to answer to in years to come.
Anyway thank you both for taking the time to write such a personal response. As always I feel better. It is so difficult. I make many mistakes with my daughter ( in general and about my CG!!) . If I keep going I hope I will get there like you both have!
Many thanks
M x