so, it’s day 21 and gambling has been a distant thought, not likely to stay there but i am grateful for it this week as i am feeling particularly confused over so much since i came out of my first therapy session, i am ok with feeling like this as i was told to expect it, so i am just riding it out but i actually thought that i would be able to dismiss any feelings as i am pretty good at distracting myself from unwanted thoughts, i think it’s something that comes with being a CG so the whole thing is very confusing at the moment and exhausting as it’s with me constantly and am working again all weekend which i don’t think is helping and might need to wind that down soon.
i was struggling to come here and write but your posts, each and every one from one line to full on pages mean so much that i was motivated to connect.
my worst fear that after all this, is that my whole persona is so set throughout the years that i will never be more than the person i don’t want to be.
this morning in work someone mentioned the England match last night ( this is something i would normally have gambled heavy on ) i said “oh i didn’t even know they were playing” and wow you could have probably heard a pin drop, the whole factory seemed to come to a standstill on my revelation….i find that amusing and alarming at the same time.
today i did not gamble
just a note, i don’t often comment as i am still in the grips of addiction but i am always reading your threads and journeys and it never ceases to amaze me when i see your strengths, determination and sheer will power to keep going, stumbling over hurdles, picking yourselves up and not giving up. it’s quite incredible to see how resilient people can be when they are fighting for what they want