One of the things I realised through the large amount of counselling I have been through is how much my feelings get in the way of my thinking. When I was gambling there were so many feelings going through me. Not just guilt and shame at what I was doing, but anger at myself and at the gambling industry, grief for what I had lost, sadness for what I was missing out on ….
The best counsellors gave me a space to discharge my feelings – to get angry, to shout, to feel the pain and yes – to cry. And I found that once I had discharged some of the emotions, I could think clearer – see myself in a more positive light and learn that I was hurting and that gambling was my way of numbing the hurt – a way that was not healthy in so many ways.
I know you see a counsellor once a month – is there any way in which you could increase this – or could your counsellor give you any suggestions of ways in which you could work on your emotions yourself with a friend or someone there to support you? I found CCI co-counselling so useful – but I know it is not available in very many countries but you could google to see if yours is one.
It is good to see you still posting here and using this as a way of getting through. Keep strong.