The past few weeks have been rough after several big losses at the casino. Nothing new, sad to say. Then the typical feelings of regret, disappointment, hate, self pity, sadness, fear and loneliness. What’s worse is causing my family to suffer. Not being able to do much on the weekends and then making up a story about having to pay extra for some new expense. I see in my wife’s eyes (and in my 2 very small kids) how much they love and trust in me. This is what really breaks my heart.
Well the better news is in a few days I will again be receiving a good amount of money. I want things to be different this time around. I want to learn from my lessons of the past and practice what I preach and turn over these funds to my wife. I don’t want to ever second guess myself or feel like I am missing gambling. Instead, I want to take comfort and find joy in seeing the smiles on the faces of my family. Going to the mall, eating at a nice restaurant, taking a short weekend trip, an afternoon at the beach..things that most famlies do..I want to do these things instead of gambling.
I’d like to be able to plan and set goals for the future. I actually think I have the knowledge to start up a new business, and if I don’t gamble, I would also have the financial resources to do so.
I know..this is all hot air for now and actions always speak louder than words..so please say a prayer for me and wish me well.
Thanks.