Everytime I go back to gambling its because I am in financial durress and like an idiot, think I can bet my way out of it instead of dealing with it. I recognize that now and hope to avoid it in the future, I have better ways to solve financial issues.
If I told my wife anything now, she would leave, 100%. I am trying my hardest to fix this so I can move on and never discuss it again. It’s been stressful, and its going to take time. It happened so fast, I got 100k in debt in less than 1 year, and its going to take me longer than that to fix it, but I will get there.
I was drinking the most and trying drugs when I was at my lowest, getting 10+ calls a day from different lenders and months behind on debt. I couldn’t sleep, could hardly function, so when we went out for drinks I would just numb myself. I’ve gotten a handle on my finances now, and that stuff has faded as well. Now I’m just focused on trying to maintain multiple jobs and getting things paid off. I have payments scheduled for next weeks pay already, and I’ve gotten really good at scheduling them so that I dont have any actual money.
Additionally, I was gambling using bitcoin. The markets I bought on have all banned me, and it’s just too hard to buy bitcoin, so I can’t gamble even if I wanted to. Right now I have $125 in my secret bank account, but if I use it, it will be for food, groceries etc.
I agree though, it will get hard again at some point. Financial stress is my trigger, which turns into a vicious cycle when I’m gambling, because every time I lose, I feel more compelled to gamble again. This will be a long fight, but after about 3 months without betting, I feel like a new person.