I intend to do the 10pm group but my son calls me. We talk in detail about escape type episodes and how important it is for us to discuss how we feel without being indulgent and over emotional. We also talk about how we are like our parents and the traits. I ask him how he is living a similar life to me and to his father. We see all the similarities. Ben would like me more involved with the grandkids. In what way am I like my mother? My boys shunned me when I was with pete for good reasons. He said I just went from one desperate situation to another and in My personal lifehe was right. I talked about not having an off button when it comes to gambling. He says he doesn’t have an off button when it comes to cocaine and alcohol but gave it all up years ago and only restarted again this Xmas to which he paid the price of a bad cold and missing Xmas dinner. in what way is he like his father? Quite a lot. His dad is an occasional binge alcoholic and binge cocaine user whilst living an otherwise good and privileged life with a thriving business. When I was with his father he had no control then which has continued into later life.
We talked about Ben moving in and I said that I would discuss with pete after his birthday on 7th January. We are aiming for the end of March. The boys put 250 in my bank account for Xmas saying it would break their hearts if I gamble with it. I will not gamble with it. For the first time I am not feeling destitute but have a little money for food and essentials. I love my sons so much for giving me this chance and opportunity to not blow it, and I will not let them down.
