There is a fine line between helping and enabling.
I accept the fact that I am a CG.
I need to be aware that I am also an enabler!
Enabling is a difficult habit to break, depending on how close you are to the CG or how dependent you are on him/her for your own emotional security.
You are doing all the right things, it seems.
Providing help (in your case buying gas) when the CG should be able to handle this task without help, is in my opinion,enabling.
Good intentions often lead to misguided actions. I say this both as a CG who demanded enablement and as an enabler.
We need to reflect deeply to identify our enabling behaviour and why we do it.
If you resent your actions, do them out of fear, or carry on in the absence of appreciation I would think you are enabling, not helping the CG.
It is a complex situation . We need to weigh up the consequences of short term pain versus long term misery.
Take it one day at a time CB. You are an intelligent lady. You will learn the difference between enabling and helping as time goes on.
Enabling is not just about financing the CG. It also involves time, emotional drainage and allowing him to place the onus on you for tasks he should be taking responsibility for himself.
CGs are experts when it comes to deflection and projection.
You are making wonderful progress.
Well done!
