Have you heard of denial Darren?
An acronym often used is; Don’t Even kNow I Am Lying.
Maybe if you read back over this thread you might see a few contradictions that you have used, I’m no philosopher, counsellor, or psychologist, but I would say that you are most definatley in denial.
Before I continue I would like to reitarate something I said in a previous post. I post on this forum mainly for my own benefit, if what I say helps anyone else that’d be great, but primarily it’s like posting to a former me, if anything I say offends then I apologise, that is never my intention.
The way you reacted to my reply yesterday was typical of the know-all cocky attitude I had for years. The thing is you’re convinced you’ve got this sussed, you have not mate, your last reply is oozing with denial.
When I asked you would you be here if your wife hadn’t of opened your letter you gave an honest reply and said no. What you had said in your first post was, “This might sound awful, as the shock my wife received after finding out I had gambled away over £7500 in a matter of months was obviously hard for her to take in, but for me, in all honesty, it was a huge relief, a massive weight off my shoulders. No longer was I worrying about letters dropping through the letterbox, adverts on the TV about Clear Score credit reports ( we were hoping to buy our house ) etc. Now it was all in the open and I could concentrate on where I am now, starting to tackle my addiction head on”. But you then went on to gamble for a period of months because, in your own words, you still had funds in your account.!!! So forgive my tone mate, but the above quote is complete crap, for if it were true day 1 would have been the day your wife confronted you about the letter. That’s denial.
Also you say in one of your responses when I asked about your wife, “You mentioned my wife’s response, and you are bang on, she was mortified, the ultimate betrayal, and she is right, as bad as having an affair if truth be told. We are taking it one day at a time, however I am aware it will take many months and years for her to completely trust me again, but I will do everything to ensure that happens.” Really? Anything? But you won’t pay your whole salary into your joint account, to me that’s far from a good start in rebuilding trust. You see payday as a hurdle but have had a week or more to put plans in place to prevent any possibility of you gambling, I can’t see your wife or anyone thinking you’ve changed and start to trust you again. That’s denial.
As regards to your cold turkey plan. I know at the start of every single one of my 5 terms in prison I thought it would be a spell of cold turkey and when I came out I’d be that used to not gambling that I just wouldn’t do it again. That’s denial on my behalf.
Gambling as you will no doubt be aware is progressive, you may be at the stage where you can lose £7500 in a matter of months, when you first started gambling it would have taken you a matter of years to lose such amounts if your estimate of total losses over 25 years to be £100 000+ is correct. The FOBTs are lethal as you know, imagine how it’s going to feel if you get to the stage where you spend £7500 in a matter of hours. I do know how that feels and wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
You may be correct suggesting that one day we’ll all have to regulate ourselves. Some people have no other option than to do that from day one, you have a perfect opportunity to postpone that scenario by having a joint account with your wife. Many blokes don’t have a wife anymore because of their gambling, why not let your wife regulate your spending now, when you still have her and the joint account. The reasons/answers you have given to this question in your last reply mate are denial.
Of course Darren you will make your own choices and I sincerely hope you do not gamble ever again. If or when you do I won’t be gloating and saying “I told you so” I’ll be gutted for you, even more so for your wife. I don’t think you’ve hit rock bottom yet, it’s alright saying that you’re a compulsive gambler in recovery, as you do in your profile, but do you genuinely believe this??
Recovery is more than cold turkey, its more than abstinence. Recovery requires a lot of work, a lot of changes, and a lot of honesty.
You mention in your first post the people who maybe post once or twice and then disappear. You hope that they’re ok but think they’re probably gambling. I hope you don’t disappear after payday mate, like every other CG you will need ongoing support. This is view shared by people who have lived many years gambling free.
I am no authority Darren I am a compulsive gambler who dosnt gamble anymore, I don’t know all the answers I only express my own views and opinions. You will do as you’ve always done and make you’re own decisions just like you have done for the last 25+ years.
Nothing personal Darren but it has been a while since I’ve seen so much of the former me in a new thread on this forum. I’ll leave you alone now, but not a loan!
What day next week is payday?
All the best.
Geordie.